Goodbye... for now

Oh, dear, I'm getting sleepy, but that means tonight you get the raw truth. forgive me for grammatical errors. I have these intense thoughts on my mind and need to get them out.

The day Dad died I never expected it. Yes, he'd been sick but i didn't think he'd die that night. I thought I was coming to give him a hug of encouragement, to see him get better. i got there late that evening, gave him a hug, and asked the nurse why he was so cold. "Because he's on dialysis, his blood is not in his body, but is in the machine" the oriental nurse with black hair and blue scrubs said. I believed her whole-heartedly.

not that she lied to me, but with all means, looking back, i believe he was dead.

The next morning my sister and I both took the time to straighten our hair and stop at Hardees to get egg and cheese biscuits. that's how clueless we were. When we marched into the hospital with our biscuits and sweet teas, we never expected the news we'd get hit with.

The young doctor walked in and casually relayed the news to the entire family. We thought dialysis would help. But he was just so sick. He got progressively worse overnight and the dialysis machine couldn't keep up. At this point, there's nothing we can do. 

We can leave him on the machines, but just know that there will come a point soon when the heart pump will stop because his blood pressure is dropping so rapidly that eventually he will not even have enough of a pulse to keep his heart pump going. 

Okay, so the thing that was surgically implanted to keep him alive would soon not have enough juice to keep him breathing.

We kept him on the machines to give the rest of the family time to get in and say their goodbyes. At 1:00 that afternoon we surrounded his bed and the doctors cut the machines. Time to say goodbye.

I fully believe he was already gone. I have many, many times wondered if he was there when I arrived at the hospital the night before, when he was already so cold, with purple feet, or if even then he had a Heavenly view of my sister and me standing around his earthly body. Maybe he had the view but he wasn't even looking because he was overtaken by the joy and beauty of Heaven.

I imagine he saw his dad first. I think Pa greeted him at the gate with a "what are you doin herrrre?" and a grin. Then maybe grandpa pittman floated over and said, "come on, how 'bout let's show you around"

I think my mom said, "Greg. what are you doing here alREADY?" Dad turned around, gave her a huge smile and they hugged for a long time. i think after a while of hugging Mom said, "look Greg, here He is..."

Dad turned and saw Jesus.

I think at that time Dad fell to his knees and wept tears of joy and regret simultaneously. regret for his sins on earth, and joy because Jesus slashed through the sins and evil of the world one-by-one with a sword made of His blood. Jesus held out a hand to Dad, and Dad saw the holes in Jesus' hands. He said, "they are real. YOU are real. and i love you! I'm fin'lly home, baby!" I think then Dad took Jesus' hand and stood, and with immense joy and eagerness Dad let Jesus lead him to face God the Father.

I think today Dad is very busy in Heaven. I think his role is something of a social worker (not in a worldly sense though because there's no wrong up there), and he moves about the enormous space quickly, earnestly praising God and making everyone there laugh and remember their purpose is fulfilled. I think every evening Dad runs with the children in Heaven, coaching them and playing sports without tiring. Around noon he helps my Pa construct the mansion he builds. You see, Mom told me once that the Bible says in Heaven we all have a job and a purpose which helps fulfill our Lord's master plan of Heaven on Earth. In Mark Jesus says, "Come, go with me to my Father's house. He prepares a place for you in Heaven." So Mom believed Pa was working on God's holy mansion for the rest of us here on Earth. Now i think Dad pops in and helps whenever he feels like it. But he doesn't grow weary in the sun, and his muscles never ache. I think he fishes in the mornings and every once in a while I think he goes to the quietest pond to reflect on the love he has for his Savior and to peek in on my sister and me. I don't think he misses us at all because his heart is so full of love and peace, and he spends his days serving the Lord and others. he finally has all he could ever desire.

Although I hope my time on Earth is long so that I can serve others and see my own family grow, I so look forward to the day I meet my mom and dad in Heaven and let them show me around!